i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize