First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
