it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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