the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
