I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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