i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
