Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
