I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
