If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
