I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
