bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
