searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
