I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Mom said you looked used
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
