Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
