john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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