But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
