I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
