it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
