I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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