they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
