He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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