I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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