Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
