when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
