i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
