Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
