The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
