Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
