You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
