I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Randomize
