I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
