Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
