I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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