I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
