nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
