No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
