I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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