K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
