Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
