Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We left the knife in your bed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
