Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
