I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
