That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i think i just lost a toe
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
