ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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