that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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