How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
