And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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