Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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