Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
