My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
