Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
