the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
