I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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