I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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