Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
