Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
