Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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