apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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