Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize