I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
