i don't plan on having that self control this summer
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
