I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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