I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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