Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
