I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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