Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
