i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
