I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
