Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
