I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize