Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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