she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
