You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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