She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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