I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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