I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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