Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize