we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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