Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
