he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
