Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
